Swift looks back for some historical parallels to today's Ukrainian situation

Swift’s very distinguished namesake, the great Dean, wrote a pamphlet which is still quoted as an example of the most lacerating criticism ever inflicted upon a government by a satirist. ‘The Conduct of the Allies; and of the Late Ministry in Beginning and Carrying on of the War’ (1711) specifically charged the Whigs and the Duke of Marlborough with prolonging the war (of the Spanish Succession as all my readers will know) for their own ends. It’s a cracking read.

Let us apply Dean Swift’s thesis to our own times.

Have the Allies – NATO in this case – prolonged the war? We have. We have supplied the Ukrainians (whom Swift salutes, by the way – they carry no blame) with just enough to conduct a desperate defensive war - over the same ground that the Wehrmacht and the Red Army fought over eighty years ago - and with the same horrifying destruction of life.

But never given them enough to achieve a draw, let alone a win. Just let them bleed slowly to death and hope they kill lots of Russians for us.

Was the Dean right when he argued way back then that we should abandon the war and make a separate peace with France (as we did)? It appears that President Trump thinks so, and whatever our fighting talk, without the Yanks we’re in big trouble.

Hence the collective wisdom of Europe has performed a smart about-turn from fight on, to give up. We talk big but with a very small stick.

Is Sir Keir Starmer a hero? Yes and no. Until recently he was happy to fall in behind the Americans but without spending too much money. This is no longer feasible, because even with a ceasefire in place (uncertain) do we really believe that Putin’s going to pull on the old carpet slippers and watch re-runs of Friends on the Kremlin big screen?

Nope. Swift says: once a megalomaniac dictator, always a megalomaniac dictator. The Baltic states used to belong to the old Soviet Union. Finland was part of the Tsarist empire. Putin’s probably already drafting one of his interminably long essays explaining that this means that they are all really Russians, or Nazis, or possibly both. Just like the Ukrainians. Funny, eh?

The highly relaxed attitude that Labour took to defence spending has been revealed as a horrible mistake (not that the Conservatives were any good either, tbh). What we thought was an invulnerable Thermopylae with US playing the 300 Spartans has been revealed instead as a impending Cannae with inexperienced and badly-led Romans facing Hannibal’s seasoned troops.

For that Starmer must take his share of the blame, so Swift will temper his praise. But it is true that without having to listen to the judiciary,  a multitude of lefty quangos, and feeble pacifists, he can be decisive, and he has been. Lesson there, everyone, for government generally?

Three final points. The first – just how plausible is an American peacekeeping force in Ukraine consisting - apparently - of mining engineers? Swift feels they look more like potential hostages.

The second. There is a large sunny rich country you might have heard of called Spain. Contribution to the collective NATO effort – next to nothing. Risible, shameful, cowardly. If JD Vance wants another fist-fight – and it does seem to be his specialist area - can he pop over to Madrid, please? Get them to do something useful, like spend some money and have an army. We can call it the War of the Spanish Concession (sorry).

The third. Although Zelensky lost his rag in the White House, the way in which the US is strangling his war effort with cessation of supplies and ending intel will lead directly to hundreds if not thousands of deaths until he gives the Americans what they want.

It’s not diplomacy - unless you are JD Vance, of course. It’s The Sopranos.