Our scribe believes he has a solution to Birmingham's troubles. Too bad the government won't listen

Swift is a fan of Birmingham. Before my dear readers drop their marmalade, this is a tribute to the transformed city centre that has emerged over the past decade or so. When Swift was a young official, despatched to Birmingham to study the provision for rehabilitating ex-offenders (don’t ask), he could not wait to get back to London. Birmingham was pretty woebegone.

Not now. The Jewellery Quarter, the evocatively-named Gas Street Basin, the Museum and Art Gallery – all worth your time. 

Which is why its descent into bankruptcy and industrial anarchy is so sad. News that the city’s refuse collectors have once again turned down a pay offer by a handsome margin appears to mean more misery for the locals. While allegations that Birmingham’s rat population are ‘as big as cats’ is tabloid exaggeration (small kittens, perhaps) our rodent neighbours are certainly doing pretty well. In a headline surely destined to be a classic, the Telegraph reports an angry council tax-payer complaining ‘My Mercedes was destroyed by rats’. Not quite ‘Freddie Starr ate my hamster’, but getting there. (Don’t worry, it was the wiring. The rats aren’t strong enough to consume an entire vehicle. Yet).

Swift offers two observations. Coverage of this horror story in the left-wing media has omitted one salient piece of information – the Equality Act – while forcing in another – Tory cuts. Yet it is undoubtedly true that the Equality Act - as interpreted by our unworldly and liberal judiciary - forced Birmingham to offer female clerical staff (mostly women) the same pay as the boys on the bins. Bang went the city’s budget.

The same clammy grip of bad legislation is observed now, as Birmingham is terrified of buying off the strike lest it encourage further claims from other employees. This is a saga that will never end until the Act is repealed.

Swift is not optimistic. He advises his readers to get themselves a swift drink before reading on, because he has consulted the blog of m’learned friends at Farrer & Co, who tell us: ‘under the Equality Act 2010, men and women must receive equal pay for equal work, unless there’s a material factor for the difference in pay that is not related to sex. Going one step further, EU law allows for a woman to have equal pay with a man who shares neither the same employer nor location of work, but where the difference in pay is from a single source (ie a head office) with the ability to correct the difference. The UK Government has recently confirmed its commitment to introduce secondary legislation to ensure that the protections provided in EU law remain enshrined in the UK law.’. 

Cripes.

However, let us not despair. Where there are problems, let Swift bring solutions. He is inspired once again by that lodestar of Conservatism, Ronald Reagan. In 1981, confronted by an air traffic controllers strike, Reagan fired the lot. Cover was provided by a combination of non-stikers, the military, the recently retired, and others. The planes continued flying, the strikers lost their jobs, and the passengers were happy.

The air traffic controllers had broken the law relating to federal employees, but in subsequent disputes private sector employers were also emboldened to sack their own strikers.

This strikes Swift like a good example of resolute action in the face of an irresponsible trade union. If the government had the slightest interest in settling the Birminham imbroglio dispute, it should do the same. After all, there is a clear danger to public health, which in Swift’s view constitutes an emergency.

Fire the strikers; send in agency staff plus the army to clear the rubbish; and reinstate regular bin collections (without any involvement from Unite). If there are any legal barriers (and our judiciary is very adept at discovering such), perhaps a one-day Bill might be rushed through to remove them? Swift dimly remembers something similar recently to benefit a specified workforce. Maybe it is time for the taxpayers to get a look in for a change?

In slightly slower time, let’s order every copy of the Equality Act to be burned by the public hangman, just like the olden days; and in Swift’s dreams, withdraw from the ECHR while we are about it.

These modest and timely measures will of course never be implemented by a party so dependent on trade union contributions. Good news for Brother Rat. Bad news for Mercedes owners.