PopCon's humble scribbler reviews Sir Keir Starmer's trip to Germany

The nation’s top funster, Keir ‘Catastrophe’ Starmer is off on his travels again. Most people go into the garden for a little gentle exercise or soaking up the sun: KS uses it as a backdrop for a picture of Britain apparently modelled on Dante’s Inferno but minus the jokes. That’s the way to get growth going, of course: tell the world (untruthfully) we are a basket case. 

However, the PM did not stick around to read the largely negative reaction his speech received. Oh no, he was immediately off for a jolly with his oppo in Berlin, Olaf Scholz, a man who makes Keir look positively exciting, and doesn’t even have the confidence of his own party, let alone the German electorate.

The purpose of this visit was to continue the much hyped reset in UK-EU relations, which has been a constant message since Labour got in and started booking private jets (a commitment pre-election not to use them notwithstanding) to destinations all over Europe for the obligatory grip’n’grin photo opportunity.

In the case of our dear Teutonic friends, the reset is going to be manifested by the sort of airy pseudo-treaty beloved of national leaders with a project to sell unwary punters. Apparently this compact will cover everything from defence and security to technology, clean energy and migration. In return, perhaps the Germans will put their shoulders to the wheel of the new relationship?

Swift raises an eyebrow at this. Buried deep within his memory is the example of David Cameron, rushing round Europe to implore nation states to force the European Commission to offer the UK a lovely new deal to avoid Brexit. That went well, did it not?

The Germans apparently want one thing. Freedom of movement for da yout. The Commission is keen too. Although His Keirship has just told us that Britain is a decaying cesspit created by too many years of Tory misrule, it appears that students from Bremen to Bavaria are prepared to say Ja to soaking up our culture, learning English, even possibly drinking our inferior beer, at least for a year or two. Unfortunately, Sir Keir isn't going to offer that, meaning the reset is dead on arrival.

The lesson is that the European Union is not minded to give the UK anything much unless we give a lot. And why should they? Would you go for a pint with your next-door neighbour after he decided to boycott the residents' association? You would not.

Trying this kind of ham-fisted manoeuvre just makes the UK look unconfident about its future and ready to take whatever crumbs are tossed from the Brussels table. The realpolitik strategy is to relinquish any hopes of getting special treatment and make Brexit mean Brexit.

Still, perhaps Starmer can bond with Scholz in a different way. The percentage of UK adults who have a negative view of the government has risen in barely a month by 20% to 51% overall, and there is not a single issue on which the government has a net positive rating.

Misery does love company.