PopCon's Swift shifts his attention westward to give us his early thoughts on the new first minister of Wales
It is seldom Swift lifts his head from his dish of coffee to contemplate the doings in Wales. A far-off country of which we know little, to be frank.
However his interest was piqued by the latest has been or never was to burst through the revolving door to become chief of the valleys.
So, some statesmanlike thoughts.
Welsh devolution was a colossal mistake. Swift remembers some very strong rumours that the ‘narrow’ vote in favour was a bit like the result of the recent Venezuelan election. A fix, in short. No names will be mentioned, m’Lud.
Since that date Wales has gone backwards, despite the gigantic sums pumped in by the English tyrants (characterised thus in any Plaid Cymru speech). Education, the NHS, business growth, COVID - it’s been one series of policy flops, presided over by another series of political flops.
Swift thought that had peaked in the form of tortoise look-a-like Mark Drakeford, the man who made Keir Starmer look like Elvis. But no! Along comes Eluned.
Eluned is one of those ‘never had a proper job’ politicians who now seem to command an absolute majority in Labour circles (not that the Tories are much better). It’s been one long string of S4C, BBC, quangos, partnerships, European Parliament, and House of Lords until her time finally came. This despite being embroiled while minister (sic) for health and social services in an obscure hospital scandal and narrowly surviving a vote of no confidence.
(Side note. At one stage, poor Eluned was rather marvellously responsible for a portfolio comprising mental health, wellbeing and the Welsh language. What could be the connection between these three concepts, wonders Swift?).
Anyway, now Welsh Labour has run out of leadership contenders, and the fickle finger of fate points at the hapless Eluned. It would, as Oscar Wilde observed, take a heart of stone not to laugh.
Still, the Welsh are renowned for windy rhetoric and vaunting visions of success. Swift is reminded of Shakespeare’s version of Owen Glendower, who claims he ‘can call the spirits from the vasty deep’.
But as Hotspur replies: ‘Why so can I, and so can any man;/But will they come?’.
Over to you Eluned. Swift wishes you well, but his optimism level is sadly in the red zone.